About time.

I consider myself a highly emotional person- I can cry for a small reason, go insanely mad as I have a bad temper, melt from someone's cuteness, or, complain too much when I'm upset. However, I know for sure that no matter how down I feel, how angry I can be at the moment, an hour or two later I will let it go and honestly forget about it. And I won't ever remind or accuse anyone of what happened. My thoughts and unexpressed feelings lead their own unpredictable life though. Some of my thoughts and ideas from years ago are still fresh in my mind, they come back when I don't expect them and they will always be with me. One of them is why I'm writing this blog post.

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A couple of hours ago my boyfriend and I watched a movie called "About time". It is seriously one of the best movies I've seen recently, maybe actually the best one I've seen in a year or so. The story evolves around a family, which has a secret : all men in the family can travel back in time, only in the span of their own lives though. A young man learns it from his father , and uses his gift to get what he wanted most in life- love. However, the touching love story wasn't the best part of the movie for me, neither was the idea that you should live every day to the fullest, as you don't get any chances to fix it; the most powerful storyline was the final scenes between the dad and the son. The father dies from cancer, and the son travels back in time to spend more time with him. However, at some point the son realises that he sees his dad for one last time. He can't go back in time anymore. And this is where I guess I have to explain why it had such an impact on me.

I never knew my dad too well, I never cared about him much when I was a teen, never thought about him much, never needed him. I grew up not communicating with him, due to some events which happened in my family when I was still a little child. I barely remember him. Surprisingly, this doesn't stop me from being so much like him in lots of ways. We have similar little habits, looks, facial expressions. When my mom told me this, it made me incredibly happy. And although I don't want to repeat his worst mistakes, I'm proud to be his daughter. I know for a fact that he loved me with all his heart.

4 years ago he passed away. I will be lying if I say that I was devastated, or heartbroken. I wasn't. I never really knew him, and could never feel the connection, especially as I was a silly teenage girl back then. However I always loved him, and he lives in my heart, in some unexplored corner of it. What I can say for sure is that now, being more mature and wiser( at least I would like to think so), I regret not knowing him. Unlike the movie's character , I can't travel back in time. I can't fix something that wasn't broken by me. And this thought , the fact that I won't be able to actually know my father and what kind of a person he is, this idea will be always haunting me. 

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One of the lessons I learnt in life is to regret nothing at all. This particular one is the only exception and weakness of mine.

Thank you for reading,

A